My Testimony - the day i asked God to show himself and he did!
I am writing this testimony, to share my experience with friends, who might be thinking and feeling that God is not listeningto them.
I assure you, I am a small unworthy person...if God listens to me....I am pretty sure that he would be listening to you too.
The testimony I have written below may be a little too detailed for you.
It’s a page from my diary and I wanted to remember every insignificant detail that I saw or experienced that day.
When God spoke to me... Second day at ICPE (International Catholic Programme For Evangelization)- Germany. It all began on 11th Sept 2001, after the morning lessons, we had lunch and after lunch I took a walk on my own. It was a nice day, I decided to make my way to the chapel(Allerheiligen Kapelle) that was a little way up on the hill.
I remember I had wanted to know what the pictures of Mary and Jesus were made of. It didn't look like a painting when I saw it the day before. It was a 5 minute walk up the hill...I walked up to the altar of the church to check out the picture of Mary.
It was a beautiful picture of Mary with some children. I touched the picture of Mary. To my surprise, it was cold..The image was made of stone...sculptured directly onto the wall of the church when the church was built.
In front of this picture was a candle stand holding four rows of candles in little red glass containers...some lit ..giving off a soft flickering light and a feel of warmth inside the cold church.I decided to light a couple of candles to pray my intentions to the Father.
I lit one for my nephew, one for my parents and one for myself.
I noticed toothpicks filled the last glass container on the bottom row, right side of the candle stand.
Interesting I thought to myself, that in Germany they use toothpicks to light the intentional candles.I lit my first candle then blew out the flames and said a prayer for my nephew, that he should grow up well, a good and honest God-fearing man.
I used another toothpick, lighted it on a burning wick and lit another candle, this time a prayer for my parents and for my friends'parents that they have God's grace and that they be well, safe and happy. After my second prayer, I decided to light a third candle for my own intentions. It was such a waste to use a new toothpick so I reused the one that I had used before.
After lighting the candles, I put all the used toothpicks in the candle container for used toothpicks (the 2nd last container on the bottom right of the candle stand).
This glass container started with originally one toothpick in it and now there is 3 toothpicks after having used two more.
I talked to God as if he was there listening to every word. I poured my worries, my pain, my queries to him...I was on my own and in deep conversation with him...I was still talking to him as I walked up to the altar ..looked at the stain glass window at the side and spent time admiring the huge picture of Christ with the saints.... and absorbing the atmosphere of the church.
After awhile, I felt I shouldn't be sitting up there... since the altar is where the priest delivers his homily...I felt a sense of unworthiness...an intrusion of God's sanctuary. I walked down again and seated myself on the chair in the first row,directly in front of the candles. I remember asking for direction in my life and I asked that His will be done in my life and that I was too tired to fight for what I want...that I give up… I asked why it was so difficult to know him. This was a point that someone made to me, that if God is supposed to be known by all he should be easy to know and it would not be such an elusive task. I know although I have decided to believe, I am often filled with doubts and an inability to connect my mind to something that i cannot see or always feel.
I said in exasperation to the Lord, "Why don't you just reveal yourself to me, so that I don't have to guess all the time. Why don't you make it easy for everyone who is looking for you? !!!"
At this point, my eyes were actually closed...I heard a distinct crackle of burning wood...I opened my eyes and looked with a certain wonder at 3 flames that had sprouted out of the single small glass container. I received the immediate message from what I saw ...’Father’, ‘Son’ and ‘Holy Spirit’ … Whilst watching the beautiful flames, I realized "Hey...isn’t that the container that had nothing but 3 used toothpicks?"
My mind was running amok with all the possible reasons of how this can be happening..
I kept thinking over and over again … ‘what a beautiful high flame’...my eyes was locked and entwined with the colors and glory of the flame.
I did not want to turn away from it and I did not want to miss a second of the beauty that unfolded before me.
Next to the high flame (about 5 inches),there was another 2 smaller flames, about 2.5 - 3 inches burning high,merrily in tandem. I looked at the 3 flames mesmerized... The 'Father' being the highest flame. I thought to myself, "Is this a sign? Could it be that God heard me and is now giving me a sign of his Presence?" ...there was only me and me alone watching the flames as it burned for about a minute or so. I was just quiet, it was like the most ordinarything in the world and yet it was the most extraordinary thing in theworld happening before me.
After the flame died down, still indisbelief, I went to investigate...I used a toothpick and poked aroundthe container...and thought to myself ..yep ..no wax....hmmm...yep nothing in here...how strange...there was only a thin layer of fine ash. The 3 toothpicks had burst into flames and was completely combusted. It s-l-o-w-l-y dawned upon me that something truly miraculous might have just happened right before my eyes. I got a bit unnerved and thought I had better go back.
On my way out, I turned back again towards the cruxifix just before I reached the main door at the back of the church, I felt compelled to fall onto my knees( I just felt I had to...), with my eyes fixed on the cross, I bowed low to the ground.I can't quite remember what I said but it was with a new sense of reverence that I walked out of the church that day...
Looking back, by now we all know the significance of 9/11, year 2001 - the day the twin towers came down in the States. My personal feeling is that if God could hear my unimpt complaints on such a busy day because I spoke from the depth of my heart...he would surely hear you too.
So these days I pray for God to abide by me and stay close even on days when I can't feel his presence in my life and I am comforted knowing that he will.
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